About this episode.
Do you feel like you're being judged? By family, friends, ex work colleagues, maybe even strangers on the internet? You're not alone.
Fear of judgement is one of the topics I seem to be speaking about with a lot of people recently, it seems everyone is feeling it, and while it can be happening, there are going to be people out there judging you - it's also going to be true that some of those people you believe to be judging you aren't judging you at all.
In this episode we dive into how to deal with the fear of judgement, how to reframe the behaviours of others to give them new meaning and how to move past actual judgement.
Today I wanted to record a quick episode on judgement.
I see and hear this topic come up a lot, a see a lot of business owners admit to feeling judged by the people around them, or worrying that they are going to be judged if they are seen to be doing something.
And so, if this is you also, I hope you know that you are not alone.
This is something that I have dealt with and that I continue to face also - when I first started my business the fear of judgement was almost debilitating, I avoided speaking about my business or even admitting to some that I was running a business so I didn’t have to explain anything to them.
Or I avoided camera and being visible for my brand because of the fear of judgement.
Safe to say we have all heard the phrase - people are going to judge you so you may as well do it anyway
But if you’re anything like me, this isn’t enough to get you over the line and it might not help in getting you to take action.
When it comes to dealing with the fear of being judged, there are a number of things that you can do to help, and one of my favourites is Reframing.
The purpose of reframing is to separate intent from behaviour - it helps people to see the same event with a different meaning.
So we’re taking the meaning we have about a particular behaviour, and we’re giving it a different meaning and we’re asking ‘what else could this behaviour mean’.
And I have a real life example here, this is someone I know that I worked with not too long ago, she was feeling like she was being judged by someone very close to her and it was really holding her back.
She didn’t like speaking about her business to this person, felt she couldn’t open up and be honest with this person, she found she was hiding parts of the business and parts of herself with this person because of the way this judgement made her feel.
And although she knew it didn’t really matter what this person thought of what she was doing, it bothered her enough to feel like she had to shut off this side of her when she was around this person.
This person (my client) revealed to me that she believed she KNEW this person was judging them, not thought, but was convinced they knew this to be true - even though the other person had never said anything explicitly.
When I asked how they ‘knew’ this person was judging them, they would have a ‘look’ on their face whenever they spoke to them about their business.
So to reframe we ask ourselves questions like, what else could this behaviour mean?
In so many instances, especially when it comes to the people closest to us, they aren’t always judging us, they simply don’t quite understand what we are doing, they want us to take the path best known.
If they are risk averse maybe they are just genuinely concerned that you’ve decided to start a business.
Perhaps they grew up being told things like ‘running your own business is hard’ ‘it’s impossible to make money’ every business loses money in the first 5 years...
Or maybe they believe that the only real path is to finish all your schooling and get a job.
So is it possible that the judgement you believe you are experiencing isn’t judgement at all, it’s simply someone projecting their limiting beliefs, what they believe to be true, onto you?
They want you to be safe, they want to keep you comfortable with them, they are simply worried for you and they’re trying to understand why you’ve chosen a different path to the one we’re told to follow growing up.
The thoughts people are having, the way they are behaving, really has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them.
Now, I am not saying that it is never judgement, because lets face it - there are people out there there are going to judge you, they will have something to say about the path you have chosen, what you are doing, how you are doing it.
However it’s our job to recognise that what people think about us, is none of our business.
Again, whatever they are thinking about us is simply a reflection of their own limiting beliefs and thoughts about themselves and has nothing to do with us.
And lets be honest, there wil be people out there that might not want to see us succeed. Again, it has nothing to do with us, and we should never let their thoughts stop us.
At every step of the way it is our job to remember that our ideal clients are not judging us - and that is exactly who you are here for.
Friends and family, people you used to work with that are NOT your ideal client might have thoughts and opinions about you and what you are doing, however their opinions will not grow your brand or build your business.
And as I mentioned just a moment ago, when it comes to friends and family, so often it’s not about judging you, it’s about keeping you on the path that they know, the path that feels familiar and good and has served people generally pretty well - the path with less risk
keeping your stable job with your steady income, not taking too many risks, not putting thousands of dollars on the line as you take a huge leap of faith and invest in yourself and your business
One thing I do want to mention here though is, the more take action and move towards your goals, the more you show up for your business, no matter how small the steps or the actions at the start, the easier this becomes to deal with.
As I mentioned, when I started my business I felt debilitated with fear around judgement - I didn’t tell my friends and family the full extent about what I was doing and I tried to play it down and hide it for a while - this was 5 years ago of course.
However, slowly but surely, they found out, I popped up online and they saw my Instagram account, they followed me, they asked me questions about what I was doing, who I was working with, if I enjoyed it - they wanted to know more.
And so many of the people who I feared would judge me, didn’t judge me at all and it actually turned into support.
I do know however that this is not the outcome for everyone, I have heard horrible stories from some people who have really had a hard time with certain family members or friends, however have definitely found this is not true for the majority.
So, if you are feeling judged, to recap….
Your first step is to reframe - what else could this behaviour mean.
If there is no behaviour and you are simply assuming that people are judging you, this is the time for you to take a look at your own stories, at your own limiting beliefs, at the things you believe to be true about yourself - you are projecting these thoughts and there is a very strong chance you are the only one thinning them, not the people you believe to be.
And remember, those who are judging you are doing so based on their own limiting beliefs and what they believe to be true and this is their issue not yours.
You ideal client is not judging you and they need you, they are waiting for you to show up with the right offer or the new product range - they are hanging on the words you say, onth magic you create.
They want you to share more, to show up more and to be there more.
You are pushing past your fear of judgement not only for them, but so you can fulfil your highest potential.
I do hope you found this episode useful, this is one I have been sitting on for a while and I really wanted to find the right words to share with you, I know this is such a hard topic for some and it’s something that so many of us experience.
If you did enjoy this episode please do take a screen shot and share to Instagram, tagging me - @ kristy pask - I would love to see you enjoying this one.
And of course if you do have any questions or would like to get in touch, you can do so by emailing me - its just firstname.lastname@example.org or head on over to IG and please feel free to DM me.
Thank you so much for joining me again today, i look forward to chatting with you again soon.
Links and resources:
Learn more about my 12 week, 1:1 coaching program: The Holistic Marketing Method
Connect with me on Instagram: @kristypask
Book in a 1:1 single session with me here.